On why life sometimes is unfair – writer’s block.

January 11, 2010 at 16:41 (General)

Ok, I guess I am not the only one out there who thought that it would be nice to have a place where you can show the world what you have been up to. I am very protective of my work, but being a closet writer is not very gratifying and it does not make much sense. I do not attempt here to offend anyone, if one finds it satisfying to write only for oneself to read, then by heavens he should continue doing so. I did that for a couple of years myself, and only now I felt the need to emerge from the shell I was in. Leaving ones comfort zone and taking a leap into the big, bad world is never easy. Not to mention that the first thing you want to publish should be absolutely IT, the best thing you wrote thus far.

And that is how it all usually begins. The inability to create meaningful sentences. The ideas are there, where they have always been, within your grasp. Only your ability to turn them into something solid has gone on vacations. And it has not even left you a note with the estimated date of return.

The struggle begins. And the pressure. Do you know them, the little voices inside you head telling that you should write? Urging you to do something  because you are wasting time. Mine are pretty much real. They have faces. And names too. The pressure builds and the words won’t come out.

The struggle continues. Starring at a blank page for hours does wonders to your self-esteem. Really. And you start to feel that it could not get any worse than that. You wished.

It gets worse. You gain back a shadow of your previous ability. You can form sentences again. Yeah, like one at a TIME. Sure, one could say that it’s better than nothing, and yet it is not enough. It’s like teasing, you get hungry for more, you reach out to get more, only to find your hands empty. And let me tell you, it hurts.

It is even worse, if you are surrounded with people (not neccessary fellow writers) that are creative and get things done. As simple as that. They get things done, you don’t. And if the jealousy and frustration don’t kill you there and then, you move on to the next stage.

The pitiful atempts to write anything. This stage is the worst for me. I take no responsibility for anything I write when I’m in this stage. I do not like to even  talk about it, so let’s move on. Really, please spare me the embarrasment of having to explain how red can a person gets once she realizes that her friends got their hands on her “I can still write and I will prove it, even if it kills me” works.

The next phase is the one I like the most. It is the day when your ability to write comes dashing through the door, screaming “Honey, I’m home!”. The ritual after that includes, weeping from overbearing joy, dancing around like a madman and spreading the happiness.

After that the house is filled with sound of furious typing.

Currently I am in this exact stage. And I plan to hold on to it for long as I can. :)

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2 Comments

  1. Jack said,

    Godness gracious… Why, I’m asking politely, why on Earth the last stage is never occuring to me? Why, why, why, why, …?
    Damn, furious madness of speed-writing sure ain’t no bad for creative people ;)

    • aishikami said,

      Thank you for your comment.
      I wish for you to experience the wonderful last stage of writer’s block.
      And even more I wish you would not have to go through the first stages.
      Enjoy your writing :)

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