On how to make your characters suffer. And sometimes your readers too.

March 28, 2010 at 12:39 (General)

I have neglected my duties once more.
Therefore, I have once more brought a piece of a story as a peace offering.
It is from the old version of my book. The one that I am rewriting, and it possibly will not make it to the new version.
However, I wanted to share it with you, dear readers, as I like that part, and the concept that was behind it.
Here it is:

Never trust a person who claims to love you no matter what comes your way. Words are weapons of liars. Trust those who stand by your side, who speak with their action. I have once fallen for words that were to sweet to be truth. They were a bait, I caught it without thinking. These words lured me into a trap that I was to weak to escape from.
Every part of my being was drawn to that sweet poison. How I hate myself now. And him… him I hate even more than myself. However, the damage is done, and no hate, rage and wrath can change that, turn back the time. I wish I could undo the hurt I have cause to the people around me. Yet, I cannot. That is the sad truth. I have to pay for my sins now. And here comes my executioner. I hear him approaching. With all his wise words, and the sad look in his eyes, he is pure torture to be around. He disturbs my calmness. I will never be at ease as long as he is near me. He comes and goes as he wishes, yet his presence lingers and I always feel him next to me. Condescending, admonishing, but never dressing anything in words, never screaming or crying. It’s his eyes that carry the message. His eyes are the ones that rob me of my sleep.
He is loyal and faithful. I will not trust him, but I feel that I could. He has this feeling to him. This unearthly calmness that sometimes makes me doubt that he is alive. I prefer sometimes even Arien’s fury to this eerie calmness. All of his kind are such as he is. His kind, the creatures who live in my country, and in the same time they do not live here at all. They almost inhabit something like they own realm, their own world that is built where our world stands. These worlds are one and they are not. How could I explain it, when I do not understand it myself. I doubt that they understand it themselves. One thing for sure is that they do not enjoy it. They do not have an influence on what happens to the world they live in. If we destroy it, they will lose their home, therefore they work like good little ants, they make amendments, they fix what we destroyed. That is why he is so mad at me. I have brought the Empire to close to the edge. He is scared that they will not manage to fix what I broke this time. He is terrified that he has not foreseen the incoming end of their peaceful little world. He is not used to being afraid, and that is why he is so much more angry at me. But he is too civilised to show me that. He will hide his anger, he will cry when no one can see him. He will not let me see his human side, as he likes to pretend that there is nothing human to him. Sometimes I wish that were true, I wish that his eyes would become as hollow as they were when he chose to reveal himself to me for the first time.
He did not give up. We are still struggling. He is well aware of the power that we have at our disposal, he is well aware that we have a fighting chance. It is not that what worries him the most, or what causes him the most pain. It is that, he knows that I would have come crawling to the person that has betrayed me the most. Have I not screamed in anger and despair that there is nothing I would not do, just to get back what I loved so much. I would sell my soul if I only knew that it would have bring me to where I wanted to be. By his side. Gods was I pathetic. And my walking, breathing and perhaps living conscious was well aware of that. He did not say it, however I knew that he does not think highly of me, and I did not blame him. I did not think highly of myself either.

Feedback will be loved :)

Thank you for reading.



  1. imagicon said,

    wow, that was amazing, i couldn’t stop reading. i loved it and very much enjoyed it.

    • aishikami said,

      Thank you for your comment :).
      I am glad you like it. I hope you will visit my blog again to read some more :).

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